lollirot27's Blog

My life has done a 360. Ron broke up with me, at the beginning of the school year. I have not spoken to him since. The next day, I quit my weekend job. A couple hours later I was fired. I now work 25 to 30 hours at a clothing store, and going to school three days a week. I am taking Biology 100 and Health 110, at college. I have a Lab midterm tommorrow, bright and early, so I am little nervous to say the least! So far, I have done well in school, with the exception of a few slips, but nothing detrimental. My friend Savanna and I have been training every other morning, before the break of dawn due to time constraints. This can be exhausting at times, but I love running and do not mind waking up a few hours early. Recently I have been having problems breathing, to the point of near suffocation, so my parents are taking me to the doctor, so I will cross that road when I get there!

The last few weeks have been tough. I feel as though I have been taking two steps forward, and two steps back. No matter how hard I try I will never be good enough, especially for my manager Anna*. Only once has she ever had nothing bad to say about my performance, ever. In the year I have worked for this clothing store. The clothing store I work at is perpetually busy. There is a never-ending list of tasks to be completed, and Anna will point out every task that you have not yet completed, and then some. It is overwhelming and has brought on more than one panic attack or melt down. I cannot handle such blatant criticism. Today, she was particularly cruel. We had a “Code Adam” that is put into effect when a child goes missing. The music was turned off, and every associate was supposed to go to the front of the store for instructions. I did not notice the music turning off. Just as I cannot notice a fire alarm go off in the middle of the night. My parents have taken me to the doctor to get my hearing checked, and although my hearing is fine, the way I process audio information is below par. Anyways, my manager asked if I heard the music go off. She looked pissed, and I did not know what to say. I wanted to explain, but I simply cannot talk to that woman. So I came off as being a complete idiot. Argh! I try so hard to please her, and please everyone but I still managed to mess up. I never do anything right! On top of this, she critiqued everything I did not the change rooms. If you are not perfect, you are nothing.

Today was my day off. Normally I would go to the gym, but due to my back problems, I could not. Instead, I decided to go with my family to watch my brother Nathan* play baseball. I read a book on muscle structure while we drove to the diamond nearly an hour away. My parents looked for a Subway so my brother could eat before the game. When they could not find one they settled for McDonalds. I thought sarcastically, "McDonalds before a game, that's going to help his performance!" I was so disgusted, they did not even listen to me when I mentioned there was a Booster Juice, with protein and energy smoothies, a much healthier option. After Nathan was dropped off, my parents and I went to dinner. Fortunately went to a real restaurant, so there was a chance something on the menus was not deep fried, but I did not like the idea of stranger preparing the food. I ordered Eggs Benedict, but got a swamp of hollandaise sauce! Ugggh :( So I wiped off as much as I could and put on a smile for my parents. The baseball game was not too bad. Nathan's team won 0-10! Woot!

Went to work at eight thirty today for my second job, a children's party event service. We were going to a baseball park to supervise a crawl zone with Trish* and Raven*. Raven is a new employee and I could clearly see that she was bulimic. She was a thin as a post, and had swollen cheeks from purging. I found that I was a little uncomfortable talking with her, despite our similar interests. After work I went to the gym for a few hours. I would have stayed longer if I did not have to go bed early, but I already feel better. I had not been able to work out for a few days and I was getting rather anxious and lethargic.
*pseudonym to protect identity

 

Today I woke up early to go to work. I work at a clothing store, and today I tended to the fitting rooms, which were disastrous as usual...managers really need to step up and set a limit for how many articles of clothing can be brought in at a time! Anyways, six and half hours later I meet up with my boyfriend for the last time in a long time, three to six months, probably. He is going up island for work. So we went out to dinner, took a long walk by the water side, and took pictures. We had a dandelion fluff fight..which he won through and through. We also had a heart to heart, talking about a relationship and decided to stay together and not take a break. My one condition was that he write often, and call once a week. I am going to miss him so much! But I know it will all be worth it in the end ~